Healing, Health, Hope: Being Still

I used to think that being “successful” in meditation meant clearing the mind of every scrap of thought, sitting still and motionless, the mind as pristine and empty as a cloudless blue sky on a summer’s day.

“You’ll never be any good at that,” I told myself. As an over-thinking Enneagram 6, my mind revs as fast as the engine on my husband’s high-powered sports car. I feel like it’s perpetually “pedal to the metal” in there, even in the middle of the night.

And yet I kept feeling a deep hunger to quiet my mind, to shut down the engines of anxiety and worry, to silence the incessant odometer of things-I-need-to do that clicks off like the miles on a cross-country trip.


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The Never Ending Journey

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Just before my mother mother died five years ago today, she said, “Honey, don’t grieve for me too long.” Ever the obedient daughter, I wanted to honor her request, but simply could not.

The truth is, I will grieve for my mother until the day I take my last breath.

And that’s fine with me.

Before I reached a certain age and began experiencing a string of losses, I accepted the notion that grief was something you “got over.” You felt badly for a while, but eventually the memories would fade, you could put them away and get on with your life.

Nope. Grief is a lifelong experience. It’s a roller coaster ride, a gut punch when you least expect it and a fond remembrance when you most need it. Grief taunts you and tests you.

But is also teaches you.

Healing, Health, Hope: Some Things I'm Learning

(From my morning pages notebook last week on my birthday.)

As I enter my 66th year, I’m learning to….

1. Take it slow…Spend the time it takes to do things – walk Lacey, read books, write about books, cook new recipes, fold the laundry, watch the birds. There’s hardly ever a rush anymore, so just be still.

2. Be curious instead of afraid…what if everything didn’t have to be scary?

3. Notice what you notice. Pay attention.

Click to read more…

Healing, Health, Hope: Seeking Comforters

As we age, our need for comforting doesn’t disappear. If anything, it increases with the demands and stressors of modern living. The difficulty is finding satisfaction in those kinds of sweet comforts we had as children and not turning to more insidious ways of feeling safe and calm and less isolated. Overeating, drinking too much, shopping, hours on the internet – those are some of the most acceptable “grown up” ways to self-soothe.

Believe me, I know. I’ve tried them all at one time or another in the past 50 years.

Healing, Health, Hope: Happiness is Contagious

For most of my life I’ve rushed headlong into things. I’ve hurried and flurried about, trying to do all things for all people all the time. I say “Yes” far too often without considering all the ramifications of what I’ve just agreed to, and then sink into a pool of regret a moment later. I get swept up in feelings, most of them negative – anxiety, loss, sadness, insecurity. I busy myself trying to make everything perfect and make everyone around me happy all the time and mostly make myself unhappy in the process. I overreact to emotional situations and then resort to numbing behaviors to calm myself down.

How has it taken me 65 years of life on earth to figure out there might be a better way to live?