Becca Rowan is a writer and the author of Life in General, a collection of essays about mid-life as experienced by an American woman in the 21st century. Becca loves creating connections by sharing stories on her popular blog.
this morning’s view
We’re almost three weeks into our month long sojourn in Florida, and the warm sun and balmy ocean breezes are working their magic.
First, I’ve only had two interrupted sleeps in the past three weeks. Instead, I’ve been sleeping straight through the night until about 6:30 or 7:00, which is my preferred wake up time. This is phenomenal in every way. Poor sleep has been my norm for decades. I usually get about two nights of decent sleep in an entire week, and lately I’ve noticed it taking a higher toll on my energy and emotional well being.
Guess what? The “experts” are right when they say you need to sleep.
Now I realize what being rested feels like. It feels great.
Second, I’m writing easily and more frequently. I’m not sidetracked by housekeeping or errands or other stuff that demands my attention at home. I’m excited to write, which is even better. My mind is busy on the morning walk, mulling over things I’ve read with coffee (usually taken outdoors in my favorite corner of the lanai, listening to the palm trees whisper in the breeze) and I’m ready to come back and start putting things on the page.
Guess what? This feels great too.
Third, and probably most importantly, I feel peaceful. I have a sense of rightness about life in general that not even Donald Trump can ruin. This is an extremely unusual feeling for me. I am what the Yiddish call a Zorger - anxiety ridden about one thing or another. (Hence, my inability to sleep.) The origin of this current state of peacefulness is a mystery. Nothing has changed in my world, or the wider one either. Nevertheless, something has changed in me.
Guess what? Yes, it’s great.
Here is the challenge: How do I take this feeling home with me? When there’s six inches of snow on the ground, the skies are gunmetal gray six of seven days a week, and wind chills are in the single digits, I fear all these great vibes will disappear (see, I’m zorging already.) I know my emotions and energy are susceptible to the seasons and adversely affected by the persistent darkness of winter.
My Writing Rehab taught me that harmony between mind, body, and spirit is essential to being creative and productive and peaceful. After the past few weeks, I realize how often I experience life as a bundle of anxiety, powering my way through the day. I want, more than anything, to keep the flow of peaceful, creative energy that’s settled over me here like the warmth of the sun.
I’m about to take myself out for a walk in the morning sunshine and ponder some ways to do that.
Hoping wherever you are today you feel in harmony with yourself and your world.
Brand new month. Brand new year. Brand new decade.
Does that sound a little daunting to you? It does to me. My Puritan work ethic kicks in and I start thinking about all those forgotten resolutions from decades gone by. The ballet classes I never tried. The guitar I never learned to play. The web design class I planned to take. Not to mention all the things I wasn’t going to do anymore- like eat potato chips, spend money on fancy coffee drinks, buy books…
I bet you have your own list of Incompletes when it comes to shiny plans and resolutions.
But you know what? Now that I’m in my seventh decade of living, I’m learning to say I Just Don’t Care to a lot more things. Because I’m confident in the things I DO care about, and I’d rather spend my precious time on those.
One of them is my writing practice. Another is connecting with my creative community, online and in real life.
This year I’m starting a new way of doing that. It’s called Monday Musings, A Monthly Missive from Me to You.
This morning is…starting early, my eyes wide open at 3:00 a.m. There are no children here rousing me from my slumber, no eager anticipation for what Santa might have left under the tree. Perhaps it’s hormones (or lack thereof), but so many days of each week begin this way. Early waking, followed by a burst of energy fueled with caffeine, and then my motivation begins to slowly and steadily leak away like the air from a balloon, until I finally fizzle completely and come to a heap on the couch right after dinner.
This morning is…a large mug of coffee (decaf because maybe I could go back to sleep for a couple of hours) brewed in a bright yellow cup with the words “Morning, Sunshine,” emblazoned upon it.
It’s been a minute since I’ve written. When we last spoke at the end of August, I was fresh into the idea of “new beginnings,” of finding my way back to the page. Of tackling this creative life and this writing thing with renewed vigor.
As evident by the length of time since I’ve been in this spot, that didn’t happen.
Actually, it DID, just not in the way I originally envisioned.
What really happened was in some ways even BETTER than what I had envisioned.
This particular rehab evolved over the time I had planned to jump full steam ahead back into writing. I had a fancy new planner with dates marked in for a blog post every week; a Medium piece every week; for creating a You Tube channel and doing videos; for posting daily Instagram stories.
Wow. Can you say unrealistic expectations? After all, I’d been living a couch potato creative life for years, with little more than social media posts to show for it.
As the month of September ticked away and with it every single deadline on my new calendar, I realized two things. I could either give up completely and walk away feeling like a failure, or I could try to rehabilitate the creative being inside me that was crying to get out.
So I picked myself up, took out a brand new spiral notebook and InkJoy pen, went to the bookshelf, pulled out my battered copy of The Artist’s Way, and took the first step into writing rehab. Forget the blog posts and the Medium essays and finishing the draft of a memoir by December 31. It was back to the beginning, and what I think is the most important thing a writer -or any artist - can do for themselves.
Morning Pages. Three pages of longhand writing about absolutely anything on your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do them, no editing, no care for grammar or punctuation, form or facility. Julia Cameron champions this exercise as “the primary tool of creative recovery.” And it works on so many levels. It’s a commitment, it helps set a rhythm of showing up, it frees you to write about anything without worry. It loosens the creative clogs in your brain, helps clear the negative thoughts. Something about these three pages - which usually take me about 20 minutes to write - is invigorating, therapeutic, and relaxing all at the same time. It’s such a small investment of time, with huge creative payoff.
Once I got back into a committed routine of morning pages, it was only a matter of days before I could feel creative cylinders start firing with ideas. I write morning pages on the front side of the notebook page, leaving the back side free for inspirational quotes from whatever I’m reading in the morning, or ideas for things I want to write about. I started doing the pages in September, and my October notebook has every page filled, front and back.
I think morning pages are the key for my creative life to flourish. I was devoted to this practice back in the days when I maintained three active blog communities, and was posting nearly every day. Over time, and with changes in online writing, my commitment to morning pages faltered, and with it my creative output and energy.
As important as Morning Pages are, my Writing Rehab 2019 has involved other vital aspects.
Good reading is essential. Before I write morning pages, I read. As poet Jane Kenyon advises, “keep good sentences in your ears.” Accompanying my first sip of coffee are pages of an inspirational book. During rehab this fall, I’ve read (or re-read) The Artist’s Way, The Right to Write, Wild Words, Writing Down the Bones, and Still Writing. This morning reading provides a gateway into Morning Pages, with all the benefits therein.
Like any good rehab program, my writing rehab has included care of my whole self. I’ve learned two important things about my mental and physical well being that are necessary for my creative being to flourish. Both require a level of self-discipline I wasn’t sure I could sustain at the outset.
Daily exercise is critical. Having an energetic puppy who needs a walk every morning helps. Those walks outside in the fresh air on quiet mornings are restorative and rejuvenating. On those walks I work out a lot of things that come up in the morning pages. My mind expands in proportion to the earth and sky around me.
It’s vital to keep my distance from the internet. I don’t go anywhere near my phone or iPad until at least 9:00 - after I’ve been up for about three hours, done my reading, morning pages, and walk. Then I sit down for 30 minutes (set a timer!) and check email and social media. After that, I do my best to stay away from the internet until about 5:00, when I sit down with a glass of wine and give myself another 30-45 minutes online while dinner’s in the oven.
Make no mistake, this is HARD. Since I retired and am home a lot more, I’d developed a bad social media binging habit. My iPad sits on the kitchen counter, I pass it literally 100 times a day, and most of those times I’d pick it up and scroll through Facebook or Instagram. Really. But no more of that. When I made this rule for myself, my hands actually shook at the thought of it. Now I keep a book on the counter, and when I get the urge to pick something up, I pick that up instead. It’s not quite the dopamine rush you get from a romp through the FB feed, but it’s close.
Clear the mind with clean eating and drinking. I went into September about 10 pounds heavier than I like to be. My clothes were tight, I was feeling bloated and heavy. Looking at my eating and drinking habits over the entire year, I had to admit that both were far short of ideal. My diet was heavy on carbs - breads and pasta were becoming mainstays of almost every meal. Sugar was creeping back in after a long time of limited use. My wine consumption was regularly far more than the recommended six ounces per day.
Once again, back to things I know work to make me feel better. I’ve dramatically lowered my use of all of the above. The weight is down, my gut feels better, my mind is more focused, my blood pressure is within normal ranges again. I dare say I’m even sleeping a little better at night.
This is a LONG post - but all this has been percolating for a couple of months now, and before the year ended I wanted to share it with you, along for my hopes of what the new year might bring. So if you’re still reading, I thank you.
As the positive outcomes of writing rehab became evident, I began thinking about what I loved about writing and why I started blogging almost 15 years ago. Writing played two vital roles in my life then and that hasn’t changed: It helps me make sense of life in general and my own in particular, while allowing me to connect with others through sharing those stories. I knew if I was going to be satisfied with any of my future writing endeavors, they would have to involve a way to create through connection and community. Although I have a love/hate relationship with being online, it’s still the best means of satisfying those craving.
I’m back to planning and plotting for 2020: for a monthly email missive, direct from me to you; for a personally curated journal of creative prompts that will encourage you to celebrate your favorite things about life in general and your own in particular; for creating a community of women in their third trimester of life to share hope and hard-earned wisdom. And this time, I’m in shape and ready to go the distance.
I am committed to sustaining IT, as it sustains me.
How about you? Do you feel the need to strengthen your creative muscles? What might your creative rehab program look like?
