It’s been a minute since I’ve written. When we last spoke at the end of August, I was fresh into the idea of “new beginnings,” of finding my way back to the page. Of tackling this creative life and this writing thing with renewed vigor.
As evident by the length of time since I’ve been in this spot, that didn’t happen.
Actually, it DID, just not in the way I originally envisioned.
What really happened was in some ways even BETTER than what I had envisioned.
For the past three months, I’ve been in writing rehab and the experience has been life changing. CREATIVE life changing.
This particular rehab evolved over the time I had planned to jump full steam ahead back into writing. I had a fancy new planner with dates marked in for a blog post every week; a Medium piece every week; for creating a You Tube channel and doing videos; for posting daily Instagram stories.
Wow. Can you say unrealistic expectations? After all, I’d been living a couch potato creative life for years, with little more than social media posts to show for it.
My creative muscles were flabby and weak. I might as well have decided to run a 26k after no more training than walking Lacey around the block.
As the month of September ticked away and with it every single deadline on my new calendar, I realized two things. I could either give up completely and walk away feeling like a failure, or I could try to rehabilitate the creative being inside me that was crying to get out.
So I picked myself up, took out a brand new spiral notebook and InkJoy pen, went to the bookshelf, pulled out my battered copy of The Artist’s Way, and took the first step into writing rehab. Forget the blog posts and the Medium essays and finishing the draft of a memoir by December 31. It was back to the beginning, and what I think is the most important thing a writer -or any artist - can do for themselves.
Morning Pages. Three pages of longhand writing about absolutely anything on your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do them, no editing, no care for grammar or punctuation, form or facility. Julia Cameron champions this exercise as “the primary tool of creative recovery.” And it works on so many levels. It’s a commitment, it helps set a rhythm of showing up, it frees you to write about anything without worry. It loosens the creative clogs in your brain, helps clear the negative thoughts. Something about these three pages - which usually take me about 20 minutes to write - is invigorating, therapeutic, and relaxing all at the same time. It’s such a small investment of time, with huge creative payoff.
Once I got back into a committed routine of morning pages, it was only a matter of days before I could feel creative cylinders start firing with ideas. I write morning pages on the front side of the notebook page, leaving the back side free for inspirational quotes from whatever I’m reading in the morning, or ideas for things I want to write about. I started doing the pages in September, and my October notebook has every page filled, front and back.
I think morning pages are the key for my creative life to flourish. I was devoted to this practice back in the days when I maintained three active blog communities, and was posting nearly every day. Over time, and with changes in online writing, my commitment to morning pages faltered, and with it my creative output and energy.
As important as Morning Pages are, my Writing Rehab 2019 has involved other vital aspects.
Good reading is essential. Before I write morning pages, I read. As poet Jane Kenyon advises, “keep good sentences in your ears.” Accompanying my first sip of coffee are pages of an inspirational book. During rehab this fall, I’ve read (or re-read) The Artist’s Way, The Right to Write, Wild Words, Writing Down the Bones, and Still Writing. This morning reading provides a gateway into Morning Pages, with all the benefits therein.
Like any good rehab program, my writing rehab has included care of my whole self. I’ve learned two important things about my mental and physical well being that are necessary for my creative being to flourish. Both require a level of self-discipline I wasn’t sure I could sustain at the outset.
Daily exercise is critical. Having an energetic puppy who needs a walk every morning helps. Those walks outside in the fresh air on quiet mornings are restorative and rejuvenating. On those walks I work out a lot of things that come up in the morning pages. My mind expands in proportion to the earth and sky around me.
It’s vital to keep my distance from the internet. I don’t go anywhere near my phone or iPad until at least 9:00 - after I’ve been up for about three hours, done my reading, morning pages, and walk. Then I sit down for 30 minutes (set a timer!) and check email and social media. After that, I do my best to stay away from the internet until about 5:00, when I sit down with a glass of wine and give myself another 30-45 minutes online while dinner’s in the oven.
Make no mistake, this is HARD. Since I retired and am home a lot more, I’d developed a bad social media binging habit. My iPad sits on the kitchen counter, I pass it literally 100 times a day, and most of those times I’d pick it up and scroll through Facebook or Instagram. Really. But no more of that. When I made this rule for myself, my hands actually shook at the thought of it. Now I keep a book on the counter, and when I get the urge to pick something up, I pick that up instead. It’s not quite the dopamine rush you get from a romp through the FB feed, but it’s close.
Clear the mind with clean eating and drinking. I went into September about 10 pounds heavier than I like to be. My clothes were tight, I was feeling bloated and heavy. Looking at my eating and drinking habits over the entire year, I had to admit that both were far short of ideal. My diet was heavy on carbs - breads and pasta were becoming mainstays of almost every meal. Sugar was creeping back in after a long time of limited use. My wine consumption was regularly far more than the recommended six ounces per day.
Once again, back to things I know work to make me feel better. I’ve dramatically lowered my use of all of the above. The weight is down, my gut feels better, my mind is more focused, my blood pressure is within normal ranges again. I dare say I’m even sleeping a little better at night.
Most importantly, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction that I’ve been able to conquer some of these demons. After spending most of 2019 feeling like an abject failure and the worst kind of slug, I’m going into 2020 with a renewed sense of vigor, vitality, and MISSION for my creative life.
This is a LONG post - but all this has been percolating for a couple of months now, and before the year ended I wanted to share it with you, along for my hopes of what the new year might bring. So if you’re still reading, I thank you.
As the positive outcomes of writing rehab became evident, I began thinking about what I loved about writing and why I started blogging almost 15 years ago. Writing played two vital roles in my life then and that hasn’t changed: It helps me make sense of life in general and my own in particular, while allowing me to connect with others through sharing those stories. I knew if I was going to be satisfied with any of my future writing endeavors, they would have to involve a way to create through connection and community. Although I have a love/hate relationship with being online, it’s still the best means of satisfying those craving.
I’m back to planning and plotting for 2020: for a monthly email missive, direct from me to you; for a personally curated journal of creative prompts that will encourage you to celebrate your favorite things about life in general and your own in particular; for creating a community of women in their third trimester of life to share hope and hard-earned wisdom. And this time, I’m in shape and ready to go the distance.
My Creative Rehab has now become my Creative Practice - a way of life that strengthens me, grounds me, inspires me, calms me.
I am committed to sustaining IT, as it sustains me.
How about you? Do you feel the need to strengthen your creative muscles? What might your creative rehab program look like?